I give my greatest thanks to my best friend for saving my life. With his urging, I got emergency intervention and was also lucky enough to get a good poly-friendly therapist quickly. Further, I found superbetter through a TED talk, which was an excellent resource for a kind of self-therapy or indeed any kind of life goal that you have and the best thing about it is that it’s free and available immediately – no need to wait months for a slot at a professional therapist.
A quick note to anyone who has never suffered depression or knows someone very close who has suffered it:
It’s not as we never thought about cheering up, it’s that the brain chemistry gets so screwed up that you lack the motivation to do anything about it. Also, taking anti-depressants is no “quick” fix. It takes about a month for them to have any effect and in the mean time the risk of suicide increases as the motivation slowly returns but before the sudden crashes in to despair cease (i.e. You feel like shit and have the energy to do something drastic about it)
This isn’t something that you can recover from easily. It takes time. A lot of time and a whole bunch of support and understanding from friends and family. It’s a long, hard road that’s even harder when your motivation is so low that brushing your teeth feels like an enormous mountain to climb. Thankfully, I’m well on my way down this road already and doing things like writing this blog, opening up and being completely honest not only to others but also myself are all aspects of my recovery plan.
While I’ve been recovering, I’ve noticed things that I never noticed in the slide downwards. My face muscles started aching because I’m smiling often again. I started randomly humming and singing tunes – sometimes to songs that I haven’t heard in a long time, but a situation reminds me of. I hadn’t realized before how quiet my life was without music running through my head. Most of all though, I once again have a lust for life. I want to go out, meet people, make new friends, do activities and be an activist, driving forwards for positive change. Oh! How good it feels to feel like myself again! 🙂