I just found out that K had a boyfriend while I was having that affair with her. Also, that I was a bit of fun on the side, nothing more.
Actually, I’m not sure I believe the story 100%, but that isn’t really the point. I was honest with her that I was married and polyamorous, so I’m not sure why she felt it necessary to lie.
So that really brings me to the point: Is it really so normal in our monogamous-normative society, that lying about relationships just comes naturally?
Of course, I’m not standing on high moral ground here. I lied too… to W. It does make me wonder though just how much balls it takes to tell the truth about such things if you’re not already used to it. It makes me wonder how much we even lie to ourselves about it.
If W were to meet someone that she’s really attracted to, would she lie to herself about the attraction and deny what could be a wonderful relationship? If not, would she lie to me about the attraction she feels? Is this need to appear monogamous to deep in our psyches that we find it difficult to tell the truth, even when the people around us would accept it? Does this have any parallels to the religious right and the fears of god’s wrath that persists even when people leave their religion?
Definitely worth investigating. Given that 8-year-old children can get a paper published in a very respectable journal, this could be something I could also work on in a “professional” sense.
Edit: K had two boyfriends that I did know about while we were seeing each other. It’s one reason why I doubt the source of this story.