I love this skeptical monogamy post by polyskeptic… and I have to admit at being somewhat that this handle has already been taken. 😉
Oh, just one side point: I really prefer the term “monoamory” to monogamy, since the latter really specifically refers to marriage and things get confusing if you mix up two different meanings in one word, much like the word “theory“.
I’ve yet to think of other situations not covered there that would lead to skeptical monogamy, but I’m open to suggestions.
Basically, in order to come to the conclusion that you’re monoamorous, you have to evaluate the evidence of how you feel and conclude that:
- You really only can love one at a time.
- You like like having your romantic connections with others controlled.
- Your environment is so hostile to polyamory that you’d be better off living monoamorously.
- You are not currently capable or willing to go through the emotional processing necessary for multiple partners (though I personally think that if you rely on this point, you may also not be currently capable or willing to do the same with a single partner).
I personally would have to say: I can and do often love more than one simultaneously. I hate being controlled in any form whatsoever. I am lucky enough to live in an accepting society that may not approve, but likely won’t kick me out of a job, residence or otherwise be harassed. I also have no problem with emotional processing, though I admit that with my own stubbornness, it could be the weakest point in the chain.
So, I would definitely not be ethically monoamorous.
I leave the judgement of being ethically polyamorous to my partners, past and present.