It’s been a while now since I had intervention and since I’ve pulled myself out I’ve learned a few things about being healthy for life. I mean being in a healthy state of mind to want life, to reach for it, to hunger for it, to really enjoy it and have it seep through your entire being. I’m still not completely there yet, but some of that drive and motivation is back and I mean to feed it and nurture it. So… what has changed?
Physical exercise. Due to a medical condition, I has stopped running, then later any kind of physical exertion at all. Now, it’s slowly easing up and I can at least to some kinds of strength training and swimming again. The difference that this alone has made is noticeable. The endorphins released when working out to exhaustion and the release of stress has helped significantly to stabilize my moods. Not only that, but I can see and feel the difference it makes to my body as well as my mind, which certainly helps with a positive self-image.
Change of job. Day in, day out, I was facing the same frustrations in a company that seemed to be run like an Idiocracy. That’s most of my waking life that I was in a negative environment of feeling powerless and trapped. I’ve changed projects and the new environment is much better, but even more than that, I’ve started re-training and will change careers completely. So much time is spent at work, I have to make sure that it’s a good environment for me.
Socializing. I was too isolated, hardly ever meeting anyone more than professionally. That constant feeling of being alone and trapped was relieved when I just got myself out, met new people and generally enjoyed myself with them. My local polyamory group really helped me to realize this with their very positive and open attitude. I also feel now that the new opportunities provided by the burner scene will really resonate with me and drive me onwards with encouragement and engagement.
Achievement. Working towards self-improvement with clear, measurable goals has helped to give me a sense of achievement and brought back that feeling of success. I used superbetter to help me organize my goals in to small, attainable chunks. It was like having a personal psychotherapist in my own living room and on my smartphone.
Self-worth. I had sacrificed too much of myself in the belief that this shows how much I love when all it did was change me in to someone I don’t want to be. I had to take the hard line on occasion and insist on what was good for me. Naturally done with empathy and consideration and not just a “my way or the highway” stubbornness.
Sun. I cant deny that the long winter, dreary cold days and dark mornings didn’t help. The warmer weather and sun in the mornings to wake me up has helped to get me up and active.
It has been a lot of change, each of which helped, but which together have changed my life. I had fallen in to a self-fulfilling negative cycle of a bad lifestyle. It takes a lifestyle change to get long-term to where I want to be.