Come out, come out, wherever you are!


Recently, I read a couple of posts from Solopoly:
Dan Savage: Being out is doing the heavy lifting
Dan Savage on why you don’t hear about successful open relationships

To be out is — as it always has been — the single most important political action that any lesbian, bi, gay or trans individual can take.

I’ve never followed Dan Savage and I probably won’t in the future either. I’m both cisgendered and cissexual and I get enough news about LGBT issues from the poly and poly-friendly blogs and podcasts that I follow, so it seems unnecessary.

In this particular point, I have to not only agree completely, but as pointed out in a previous post, poly and non-monogamous people need to come out to make any difference in society and government. I think we have an easier time of it than in America, so we face far less opposition and hostility than when LGBT was blossoming.

Maybe that’s why many don’t come out. It’s not necessary because it’s more easily hidden (especially in the couple+ model). There is little violence directed at us. Even social stigma is far stronger in fear than in reality. In fact, the only real negative thing I’ve experienced since coming out is rejection – rejection solely on the basis of misconceptions – no, not even misconceptions but jumping to conclusions.

For sure, hiding in the woodwork is not going to help anyone understand what polyamory or non-monogamy is. Until there is enough exposure to make it common knowledge, most people are going to be denied the choice to even be monogamous. Again to borrow from a previous post, I bet most people wouldn’t know that answer if asked, “When did you decide to be monogamous?”
Unsurprisingly since they, like me in my youth, probably never made a choice. It was just the one and only way.

As the Buddhist Boot Camp says,
Visibility leads to acceptance. It was a really big deal when someone saw an interracial or same-sex couple holding hands for that first time, but by the tenth time, it’s just another couple holding hands (because that’s all it is).
It took those nine other couples to get to that point because visibility leads to acceptance. Let’s all be a part of the solution and not a part of the pollution!

So once again, I encourage everyone to come out. Show the world that you are happy with the way you’ve chosen to live. Show people that their neighbors, friends, colleagues, siblings and children are non-monogamous. Show everyone that they’ve known us all along and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the choice we’ve made.

It doesn’t matter who you love, where you love, why you love or how you love; it only matters that you love. – John Lennon

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