Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. – Niels Bohr
I’ve been thinking about what it would take for me to enter in to another “traditional” monoamorous relationship – just to make sure that I keep my eyes open and don’t fall in to clique mentality.
In my opinion though, there is only one option:
I would have to be able to predict the future with certainty.
I considered being willing to make life vows of abstinence with the seriousness of a monk’s, but this is also not enough. There are monks who lose their faith and/or break their vows. I cannot say with certainty that I will be strong willed enough to resist all temptations.
The point is that in order to honestly say that I will never love or lust another until the day that one of us dies, I must be able to predict with certainty that I will never meet such a person and I must also know exactly when the first one of us dies.
As far as I know, I will continue to have the ability to love and lust after others, so I must know that I will never cross paths with anyone that I could find attractive in any way whatsoever.
Alternatively, I must know that this ability is eliminated and will not return (at least until one of us dies, but that means knowing that time of death again).
As far as I know, all of these options are practically and ethically impossible.
There are only two ways that I can be sure of these scenarios: I can either kill myself or my partner immediately after we commit (in a tragically similar way to the Kylie and Nick Cave song,”Where the wild roses grow”).
I cannot even take another extreme measure of completely isolating myself and my partner from all human contact because that does not ensure that no-one will stumble upon our hideaway and it can also not be ensured that either one of us will fall out of love with the other.
For me, this really highlights the impermanence of things and our attempts to try and force them in to permanence can only lead to suffering.