Gender equality

Will Jaffee wrote Finding the balance between chivalry and equality and I find that it is a post well worth reading, taking in and understanding.

It is a position that I’ve held long before I had even heard of polyamory and he describes the situation well. You don’t have to be a jackass to get dates (or in this case second dates) – in fact there is no good reason to be a jackass ever. However, it is very difficult to be completely egalitarian without coming across as unromantic, uncaring or uninterested.

Finding that balance is surprisingly difficult. It doesn’t matter at all if I am egalitarian. If I treat male friends to drinks, meals or hold doors open for them, my dates won’t know that. If I treat them equally, then I tend to come across as giving them special treatment. If I make a special effort to not come across as treating them specially, then I am treating them specially. Ironic really, but in the world of dating, appearances matter. I end up explicitly treating my dates less well than my friends in order to not appear as if I’m treating them especially well. Maybe that also says something about how well we tend to treat our non-romantic friends and strangers…

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