An interesting question for me is: Is thought crime an inherent part of monoamory?
I don’t follow mainstream media or read lifestyle magazines, yet I have heard the opinion that being attracted to or falling in love with another is as bad as actually cheating. This goes against the common notion in most of my circle of friends that at the core of fidelity is action, not thought. In the same way, courageousness is action in spite of fear rather than a lack of fear. The earliest reference that I know of this idea of thought crime is in Mathew 5:27-28 (here quoted from the King James version):
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
I find this notion absolutely intolerable. It expects a person to be completely at odds with the person that they were before they entered in to a romantic relationship, i.e. no longer able to feel attraction.
I suspect that almost every romantic relationship began after people found each other mutually attractive. I suspect that almost every romantic relationship would never have begun if this were not the case. Yet in this model, it is suddenly expected that people suddenly lose this ability to feel attraction as soon as they begin a romantic relationship*. This is a highly unrealistic expectation, doomed for all non-completely-asexuals to failure, especially what we know of human biology, neurology and psychology.
*What is the beginning of a romantic relationship anyway?
I still don’t know any hard-and-fast rule(s) as to what point a romantic relationship begins. This question is similar to the question of when a relationship ends.
I am really not sure how widespread this model is in the monoamorous world. Despite the fact that I was not all that long ago living monoamorously myself, I am somewhat different and can’t ever recall thinking along those lines. I’ve also never had cause to bring the topic up amongst my friends. Somehow, I suspect that the majority (at least in the cultures and social classes that I usually interact with) do not think this way and it’s more likely a misrepresentation promoted by big media, as I have previously explored.
In conclusion, I don’t think that this is normal or widespread and I sure hope the idea doesn’t gain traction.