Singleish


The term “singleish”, coined by none other than polysingleish, seems to have fallen out of favor. But I have a confession to make: I like it.

The current consensus is that “singleish” is more of a state, while “solo polyamory” is one of the many ways of structuring love and relationships that is encompassed by the term “polyamory”, so is my fact two terms: “solo” and “polyamory” (or polyamorist”). Here is a definition of the terms as I currently understand them:

Singleish
The state of being in polyamorous relationships where none are “serious” enough that they could be misconstrued in default society as a “real” relationship.
In other words, the relationships are too casual, not intense enough, not frequent enough or similar to be easily dismissed by others as “casual”, “FWB” (Friends With Benefits) or “a bit in the side”.

Solo
A form of structuring relationships where the person does not want to have significant enmeshment in any partner’s lives, such as “nesting” (sharing and maintaining living space together), maintaining joint finances and being “joined at the hip” (a quaint English term meaning unable to do anything separately due to having sex with one another).

Polyamory
The ability to have multiple concurrent loving relationships. Or polyamorist: A person capable of loving multiple people concurrently.

it is a fascinating potpourri of emotions

My state of singleish is due to my relationships currently going through a lot of changes with existing long-term ones transitioning and new ones forming. The states are still so much in flux that can not identify and label them.
The good thing is that having dealt with the concepts of relationship anarchy for so long, it doesn’t feel uncomfortable being in this situation. I feel the loss of a connection that I cherished and at the same time I feel that tingling of NRE of some very promising new relationships and hope that they will develop in to something deeper. I feel it all and it is a fascinating potpourri of emotions to observe and acknowledge. I am glad that there is no fear of the changes themselves.

It is at times like these that I feel I learn the fastest and discover more about myself. I learned so much in a very short time during my marriage and subsequent separation. Though this is (thankfully) not so painful, I am learning again. I look forward to seeing myself once I emerge out of the cocoon and spread my newly formed wings.

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