Top 10 Mono-Normative Things Poly People Hear

Sometimes I get questions or statements (mostly from well-meaning people) about polyamory that comes straight from the mono-normative background, carrying with it the baggage of assumptions that anything that is not monogamy is bad. When I get these, turning it around to re-frame it in terms of monoamory often highlights how silly they really are. Without the background of assumptions, the same questions and statements sound quite ridiculous. This highlights that these statements don’t have merit.

I asked around the Interwebs for your most common questions/statements and here are the top 10. I decided to address them in a lighthearted way. Let the memes roll…

10. Aren’t you being used?

Monogamy is no protection against being used.

9. Do you sleep with their spouse too?

You don’t have to be friends with all of your friends’ friends.

 8. Won’t having multiple parents harm children?

By this logic, single parents (or perhaps orphans) are the best family model for children.

 7. When should you tell your children about polyamory?

If they’re ready to understand monogamy, they’re ready to understand polyamory.

 6. You just want to f**k everyone in the room, right?

Any single monogamous person is to be feared for the same reason. They’re “available.”

5. So, you don’t have REAL relationships then.

Even if a relationship is irrational or complex, it’s still real.

 4. You’re just afraid of commitment.

Committing to more than one person might actually take more effort.

 3. I’m too jealous to do polyamory.

Monogamy is no shield against jealousy.

 2. I know someone who tried polyamory and it exploded.

Monogamy itself is not to blame for all failed monogamous relationships.

 1. You just haven’t found the right person yet.

 

The number one… Right back at ya.